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Ok I am not sure what is going on here with Mrs Bachman and perhaps someone out there enlighten me here but is her campaign team made up of the same speech writers that got me elected Student Body President my senior year of high school?

I actually wasn’t completely turned off at first by the crazy eyed version of Sarah Palin but over the past 2 weeks I really don’t know whether to take her seriously or to just be happy she is in there splitting votes with Romney and Perry. Right now I am completely in the latter camp as her campaign looks very similar to the one I ran back in 1996 when I took Bowie High School by storm.

…and I feel like I can completely picture how this all went down….

Lets see, first her and her team of 11th graders start brainstorming and one of them belches out the idea, “hey you know what would be really cool? A BAND!!!! We should get a band to play at the straw poll.” ……{Crazy Eyes pops out of her chair} “BRILLIANT!!!!! thats absolutely brilliant! but wait. it shouldn’t be just any band. We should get RANDY TRAVIS!”  …“awesome”, says 11th grader #2.  {Crazy Eyes peers over towards her husband} “Marcus, get Randy Travis on the phone and I want you to get him to AMES yesterday. NO is not an answer and if you don’t get him YOU WILL NOT get that corn dog I promised you…” {Crazy Eyes sits back down in her seat} 11th grader #3 stands up….“what if we tell everyone that they can see Randy Travis FOR FREE…..FREE as in….wait for it………wait for it…….ONLY IF THEY VOTE FOR YOU!!!”…..{Crazy Eyes pops out of her seat} “BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!”  {at this point 11th grader ##3 wets his pants as she scares him senseless…} “that’s the ticket….We’ll bribe those stupid Iowans with free tickets to an exclusive country music concert headlined by Randy Travis if they vote for me in the Ames Straw Poll….A…………..MAZING.”

and that my friends is how it all started…..and disturbingly ….the plan worked to perfection….(and Marcus got his corn dog)

Fresh off their victory from Iowa and a wild night spent dancing around a stage in circles doing the jig, Crazy Eyes and her team of 11th graders go back to the drawing board, longing to capitalize on the momentum they built with their stunning huge victory at Ames over Tim Pawlenty( I mean fck that Ron Paul guy, right? he doesn’t count…losing by a mere 9/10 of a % point) … Realizing now that promising broke ass Americans things they want is as easy as getting your dog to crap outside by bribing it with treats, Team Crazy Eyes decides to start thinking big….

“You know what would be like awesome,” says 11th grader #4…..“if we got better food choices, like everywhere in the United States….for like …you know….more options for everyone…” {a long deep silence pervades across the room as Crazy Eyes thinks……minutes go by…but the silence remains deafening}…{meanwhile urine dribbles down 11 grader #4’s leg as she is paralyzed in total fear for saying something seemingly so stupid she wish she could take it back}……{Crazy Eyes pops out of her chair}, “I LOVE IT!! But we need BIGGER!!!!….what if…..what if we promise America that if they elect me to the White House I will make gasoline fall to under $2/gallon…ehh?? ehhh?? ehh?? Who’s with me???? ehhh??? ehh??? ehh???”

“Isn’t that sort of impossible and isn’t that lying?”, squeals 11th grader #1…..Crazy Eyes glare now burning holes in #1’s forehead….“YOU LITTLE PIECE OF..” {…and then Marcus Bachman raises his hand breaking the tension} “I luv it sweetheart…..its a great idea…you are so stinkin’ smart…..”…..“Well then its settled….$2 GASOLINE….LET EVERYONE KNOW. NOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”

and that my friends is how she declared a vote for her was vote for $2 gasoline…true story.

Personally I can’t wait….a Vote for Bachmann, is a vote for $2 gasoline.****

 

****only if she agree to quit if we don’t get the $2 gasoline she promises…I mean that’s only fair right?

##special hat tip to JC for pointing this ridiculous story out to me….I can’t wait for me of this nonsense.

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